Bart’s Magnificently Mad Movember Moustache

There are few things in this world more enthralling than the male moustache

I was incredibly drunk the night I asked if I could stroke Bart’s moustache. I wasn’t expecting him to say yes. It was like a wild animal, savage to look at, soft and gentle to touch.

No doubt by now it’s long gone, one day later than expected but an inevitable demise nonetheless. I expect tomorrow I shall feel empty and unfulfilled, slightly dead inside as my eyes rest upon the smooth skinned upper lip of my colleague. Such is the affection that we all at Primate have come to harbour for the trucker tache that lurked on Bart’s face. It was a magnificent specimen to say the least.

And we weren’t the only ones to have become enamoured with it. Women noticeable stared and smiled as they past, children stifled joyous laughter as they quickly ran away and men in leather jackets winked as we drank in pubs. The benefits of moustachery didn’t just end at physical admiration either. The beautiful hairy creature imbued Bart with a sense of command, confidence never seen before, fuelling him with a dynamic energy that seeped into every aspect of his work. For the past two weeks he was more moustache than man, a powerful visage of a developer extraordinaire.

But it’s over now. The beast is gone, killed by a razor and buried down the sink. Its legacy, however, is a powerful one and will live on, embodied by the £406 donation raised by team Orangutache for Movember and their excellent causes. It was all worthwhile and we look forward to next year with an urgency second to none.

My heart aches for the loss of such a great tache – but at least I’ll always have this flipbook to remember the magical month of November.